Thursday, March 15, 2012

Let's Be Honest

As the last part of my getting-ready-for-bed-ritual, I always peek in on James in his crib.  I'm guessing this is a fairly normal routine for moms.  I'm just not sure that the reason I do it is the same reason as other moms.

1)  I just want to see that he's really asleep.

Fairly normal.

2)  I love this little guy more than words can describe.  Seeing him one more time before I go to sleep is simply a way to end my night on a great note.

Fairly normal.

3)  To make sure he's breathing.

Fairly normal.

4)  In the horrid event that in the morning he WASN'T breathing, or was STOLEN, I would want to be able to tell the police/medics/ambulancy-people what time I last saw him.  

Not so normal.

I don't know if other people think about this.  I've read way to many news stories about abducted kids.  In the article somewhere it always says the parents last saw the child at 8pm, or something like that, when the child went to bed.  In this situation, time is of the essence.  The smaller the window of time, the better.  This translates to me that I need to see him at the last possible moment (before I go to bed) and check on him again first thing in the morning when I wake up.  If I happen to make a night-time potty sleep break, I'll check on him then, too.  

Am I crazy?  


Holly said...

Short answer: Yes. Says she with a video monitor that has night vision so I can watch my small human sleep and breathe upstairs! But I think that is fairly normal, too. Wouldn't one pretty much HAVE to be crazy to take on this motherhood thing? This is where I can appreciate Mackenzie's extreme (ok, perhaps not extreme, but since Madison never had ANY, it seems extreme to me!) separation anxiety. If someone took her, it would be apparent to every non-deaf human for a 27 mile radius!

Jen F. said...

Yes, but you're in good company. And recognizing you have a problem is the first step, right? Lots of us are right there with ya.

What you're doing is what the Free Range Kids blog calls "worst first thinking." It's letting your mind go first to the most horrible possibility, rather than the very real reality that he will still be there, safe and sound, in the morning. That worst first mentality is fueled by extensive news coverage of horrific abductions which are incredibly, extraordinarily rare. Our society creates this culture of fear and overprotectiveness, and lots of us moms buy into the idea that this is "normal."

BUT. I don't want to teach my children to be afraid of the world, and I don't want my own desire to protect them to keep them from growing into confident, competent people who can take on the world for themselves. Read when you have a few mins to spare!