Thursday, September 13, 2012

10 Pregnancy Thoughts

In no particular order:
  1. Saying that being pregnant messes with my self-image is like saying the Vietnam war was a little skirmish.  It is so hard to adjust how I think/feel about how I look.  Sometimes I'm perfectly okay with my growing belly (and incredibly awesome boobs....oh TMI...sorry in-laws and 3 male readers...).  Other days, most days actually, I just feel EXTRA LARGE.  And that bothers me.  A lot.  It's a daily mental battle.  Anybody agree??
  2. I don't have funky hair or wild clothes or rockin' tattoos.  I'm used to going about my day just kind of blending in wherever I go.  Pregnancy impedes this, greatly.  People notice.  Everywhere I go I catch somebody looking at me or my belly.  If I have my son James with me, I think that they are judging me for having two kids so close together. 
  3. I frequently think about women who struggle with infertility.  I feel conspicuous with my big ole belly, as I fear it is rubbing it in the faces of women who would love to be pregnant.  
  4. I wonder if this will be my last pregnancy.  Will we have more biological kids after this one?  Will we adopt?  I don't know how to go about making such a decision.  Being "done" seems like a really big deal.  If you're "done", how did you know?
  5. My main pregnancy complaints:  Sleep is elusive.  It's hard to flop from side to side all night long and negotiate all my pillows with every turn.  My fingers are starting to swell.  I wasn't married during my first pregnancy, so wearing rings or having swollen fingers didn't really impact me.  I didn't experience this with my second pregnancy.  Most days I don't wear any rings because of my fat-paws.  (vet techs will understand this reference)  Carrying James anywhere, for any length of time, completely wears me out (like down the 2 flights of stairs to the car, or worse, from the car up to the apt).  I'm carrying an extra 20+ pounds already.  When I pick him up, that doubles.  I'm really, really itchy.  (mostly my back) The OB doctor and a dermatologist have said it could just be skin changes in pregnancy.  So, I'll keep on scratchin.  Other than that, though, I feel pretty good.  No major (consistent) aches or pains.  I'm still able to do my job, thankfully.  And when I choose to, can help maintain my house.
  6. I think I'm a little more excited to meet this baby than I was last pregnancy.  Not that I wasn't excited last time!  I know now what to expect.  Or at least a rough idea.  I'm excited to see those sweet little fingers and toes and itty bitty soft ears.  I know the newborn phase is brutal, but I also know it won't last forever.  I'm excited to meet this little girl and get to know her.  I've heard people say that before, referring to their unborn children, but I didn't really feel the same way until this pregnancy.  Yay for feeling excited!
  7. At this point in my pregnancy, I frequently care for babies in the Special Care Nursery that are about the same age as my baby. (32 weeks)  It's so bizarre to see/touch/hold/care for a tiny baby and think "Wait, that's about how big my baby is in my belly..."  Crazy.
  8. On a work-related note, I have to fight fear on a daily basis.  What I see at my job is pregnancy/labor/delivery NOT going how people thought it would.  The baby is born weeks early.  The baby is born on time, but experiences unexpected complications.  If I'm not careful, I'm quickly consumed by fear.  Fear of going into preterm labor.  Fear of having a preemie.  Fear of having a term baby that gets sick.  Fear of having a c-section.  How do I combat the fear?  I have prayed 2 Timothy 1:7 over and over and over again:  "God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind."  
  9. Scott and I are trying to make some significant housing decisions in the next couple of months.  Our options:  sign a new lease for our current apartment, move within our apartment complex, or move somewhere outside of this complex.  Our lease is up November 30th.  I'm due November 4th.  I feel apprehensive about moving 9 months pregnant or with a newborn....UGH.  Please let me know if you've done either one.  Tell me you lived through it and it can be done.
  10. Poor James.  He has NO idea how his world is about to be rocked.  We talk about his baby sister in my belly, but I know he doesn't understand.  Well, BELLY he understands.  He usually follows that word with a *patpatpat* either on his belly or mine.
    Unrelated to pregnancy, just an update:  We decided to go ahead and schedule James' tongue-thingy-removal-surgery for September 28th.  Prayers welcome!!  If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read my post about it here.  


    Angie said...

    We had kind of planned on having four but after three, that feeling of 'let's do it' never really came again. The timing wasn't right, finances wouldn't be kind to number four, I was getting older, and eventually we realized we were done.

    I was eight months pregnant when we moved and it was kind of nice in a way. I still had to pack a bunch of boxes, etc. but I got out of actually moving anything that weighed more than 25lbs :)

    Smiley said...

    God is with you all the time. He never leaves you alone to cope with things.
    He was with me when I had #3 in a Chinese hospital where no one spoke English.
    He took care of us when Steve had to fly into Thailand and Vietnam the day after Dan was born, and a friend had to come bring us home from the hospital.
    He was with me when I had to fly home by myself to America for 27 hours with an almost 4 yr old, a 19 month old and a 7 month old.
    He will be there. I used to say the scripture "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." After all these years I can now say with all certainty "I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me." He is enough!

    Smiley said...

    Glory was defined to me as reflecting the presence of God...a pregnant woman is reflecting the glory of her husband...his presence. That is a grand and miraculous thing...not a thing to be apologized for.

    Smiley said...

    Your family has proved they know all four gears of moving...if a move is needed to make things easier and more pleasant...we're there!!!

    Smiley said...

    Capture vain imaginations and put them under Jesus feet...scripture says fear has torment...that's how the enemy torments us and destroys our playing on our fears. Fear is putting your trust in something or someone to be able to do what they say they can do. Choose to trust God's promises to protect and provide, NOT the enemy's threat to steal, kill or destroy.