Last week, Scott and I were watching NBC's The Biggest Loser. We love that show. One of the contestants was tearfully talking to her trainer about how birthdays were always painful to her growing up. She was adopted. Every year on her birthday she would wonder if her birthmother remembered it was her birthday, if she thought about her much. From what I've read and heard, this is a common question for adopted individuals.
I wanted to hug that contestant and tell her this:
There is not a DAY that goes by that a birthmother doesn't think about her child. Not one.single.day.
Perhaps it's presumptuous of me to try to speak for all birthmothers. Perhaps.
All I know for sure is my own experience. I think about Chloe every day. What do I think about? All kinds of things. What is she doing right now? What does she think about me? Is she going to resent me later in life? How is she like me (nature)? How is she like her parents (nurture)? I replay scenes from when we've spent time together. Is her birthday a big deal to me? Absolutely. "Big deal" here is defined by the monopoly she has on my thoughts that day, July 30th.
Moms are wired to think about their kids. A lot. Whether or not we are parenting those kids, we can't help thinking about them. I found this quote and love it:
"A mother's love is instinctual, unconditional, and forever."
That's just the way it is...