Dear Nursing School Student

'Tis the season to go back to school!  Whether you are still taking pre-reqs to get into nursing school or have already negotiated the labyrinth of nursing school admission and are now a bona fide student, this post is for you.

Hang in there.  YOU CAN DO THIS.

Getting in and successfully completing nursing school is a ridiculously complex process.

• Pre-requisite classes to make A's in.
• Financial aid to procure.
• Background checks.
• Immunizations to get updated.
• CPR certifications to maintain.
• Silly forms to fill out, the list of which seems to change minute by minute (or at least semester by semester) and nobody really knows for sure the comprehensive list of said nebulous forms.

I was naive going into nursing school.  I arrogantly thought, "I have a four year degree already, I can get a two-year degree--no problem."  Nursing school helps curb arrogance, by the way.  Yes, there were some things about going back to school for the second time (as a 26 year old) that made it easier than the first time around (as an 18 year old).  For example, I was (a little) better at time management the second time around.  But my Associate's Degree of Nursing from Wake Tech Community College was way, way harder than my Bachelor's of Animal Science from N.C. State.  Part of the challenge of my second degree was that I cared a whole lot more about doing well in my classes than I did while a student at NCSU.  It is, in fact, harder to make As than it is to make Bs and Cs.  I slacked my way through the academic portion of my Wolfpack days.  I'm not proud of that fact, but I can't change it now.  I decided before nursing school that I would never again half-ass my way through school.

You have to decide how badly you want this nursing degree.  There will be many occasions before, during, and even after school when you start working when you will question whether or not this was a good idea.  Some of you will decide it's not for you.  For some of you, your instructors will try to decide FOR you that nursing school isn't for you.  If you want it, though, you'll have to fight for it.  You'll have to prove to yourself, to that clinical instructor that has you in her cross-hairs, to the preceptor that's bitter about her job and taking it out on you, to your family that thinks you've fallen off the face of the Earth, that YOU CAN DO THIS.  

I have a soft spot in my heart for you nursing students.  I want you to know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.  You will survive.  You will eventually get to sign your name with ", RN".  (which you may do on credit card receipts too, however unnecessary.)

Don't give up.

Hang in there.  YOU CAN DO THIS.

---------
Thoughts from some of my fellow nursing school buddies:

"When you FINALLY graduate, pass the boards and get a job...you still feel like you don't know ANYTHING!!!  However, that first paycheck was awesome!  Finally getting paid to do the same work we'd been doing for free for so long!" - Happy-to-be-done-with-school-Heather

"Oh Lord...I blocked all of that out of my memory!!! I don't remember any of those things we had to do." - Selective-Amnesia-Sarah

"Trying to find out HOW to register for NCLEX...having to go downtown to get finger printed, trying to find a parking space, sending in all the right forms, trying to follow through on everything... I am glad that part of our lives is OVER!! After school? Having to sit through the boring orientation about the "wake way" (or, I am sure.. the 'Rex Way") and having to fill out MORE forms to get a badge, use your badge at the cafeteria, get entered in the pyxis, etc. etc. Forms, forms, forms!!!" -Juli-no-E

"Signing up for the NCLEX with the Person Vue folks only after you have graduated school and then having to trust that your school has done their part to ensure that you did, indeed, graduate from school and are eligible to take the NCLEX. And lets not forget the agonizing wait for the ATT (Authorization to Test) so that we can even sign up for a NCLEX test site in the first place." -Guys-can-be-nurses-too-Tony

Open Adoption

What were your reasons for choosing open adoption?

From the moment I found out I was pregnant in 2003, I considered adoption.  I didn't know what all that meant.  What I did know is that I wasn't in a place emotionally, mentally, or financially to raise a child the way I felt the child deserved to be raised.  

I met with some birthmother counselors from a couple of adoption agencies to talk about the very, very beginning of the adoption process.  I walked into those appointments thinking "This is going to be hard to talk about."  I walked out of those appointments thinking "This is going to be so much harder than I ever thought."  The thought of going through a whole pregnancy, labor, and delivery and NOT keeping the "prize" (ie, the child) in the end seemed counterintuitive.  The thought of being a single mom overwhelmed me, too.  I didn't like my options, but I had to choose.  

As the pregnancy progressed and I made some decisions (like moving home) to help ease the stress of my situation, I had more time and mental space (or "bandwidth", to use a corporate term) to consider my decision.  I talked to single moms.  I talked to birthmothers.  I prayed.  A lot.  

Roughly eight weeks before Chloe was born, I made my decision final.  I was placing this child for adoption to give her the best chance at life that I could give her.  The agency I was working with (Bethany Christian Services) started pulling adoptive parent profiles for me to look through.  I told them my criteria:  out of state, ideally a biracial couple, or if it was a white couple I hoped that they already had another adopted biracial child in their home.  I hoped to stay in touch through the agency, getting pictures and updates sent to me via BCS, but no direct contact between me and the parents. (semi-open adoption)  I flipped through a few parent profiles, but had no idea how to make a decision for this child growing in me.

Meanwhile, several couples at my parents' church had approached my parents saying they would be interested in adopting my baby.  I had ruled out all of those people because they were "too close to home".  I thought it would be too hard to have her so close to me and my family.  But then, my heart shifted.  I kept coming back in my mind to this one couple my parents knew.  The parents were biracial (Puerto Rican/Cuban/American) AND they had an adopted son who was biracial.  I kept looking through parent profiles at the agency, but I realized I was measuring everyone against this couple from church.  

The problem was I didn't know how to find out more about them without dragging them through a potential emotional roller coaster.  They didn't have a parent profile book I could thumb through at the agency.  They had a young son (14 months old).  Were they even interested in adopting again so quickly after their first child?  How would they feel about both of our families being in such proximity at the church?  How could I get answers to these questions?  What if I didn't want to choose them in the end?  Would that be heart-breaking to them?

The solution?  Pastor Lynton Turkington played middle man for me.  He called Melissa and Alvin and asked them my first question, without revealing to them it was me asking:  Are you interested in adopting again, soon?  After they said yes, they were interested, he told them who I was and asked my second question:  How do you feel about the proximity of both of our families in this church?  Do you foresee that being a problem?  Too close for comfort?  To which they answered "No problem.  We'll just figure it out as we go along."  (They are very laid back, easy-going people...one of the many things I love about them.)  

My heart had done such a 180 degree turn.  I went from wanting her out of state, staying in touch through a third party (the agency), to wanting her as close as possible.  If I was not in a place to raise her myself, I wanted to be able to see her and hold her and hear about her and watch her grow.  I figured it might be painful, to see her and have her so close.  But I chose that pain over the pain of never getting to see her or interact with her.  

Melissa, Alvin, their son Shiloh and I met for the first time over dinner at an Olive Garden.  I remember Alvin asking me about timing. 

Alvin:  "So, how long are we talking here, until she's born?"  

Me: "Three to six weeks." (I was 34 weeks pregnant at the time.)

Alvin:  "Woah..."

Me: "Yeah..."

Can you imagine getting six weeks notice that you were going to have another baby?? Holy moly...

So that is how I chose open adoption.  It just sort of evolved into that as I went through my decision making process.  

And Melissa, Alvin, and I have done just as we said we would.  We've figured things out as we've gone along.  There are times when it's bittersweet to see Chloe.  But I would rather experience that bittersweetness and get to see her than the alternative...

*I'm linking up with Open Adoption Bloggers for their roundtable discussion.

Other posts from me about adoption:

7 years ago today

Leaving the Hospital

Adoption

Grandparents and Adoption

Quirky Little James

I'm not quite sure how to even write this because it's not a nicely packaged, concise, sensical story with a clear ending.

Here goes nothin'...

SEVERAL months ago, I thought I saw something in the back of James' mouth when he was laughing.  I thought "What the heck was that??"  I made several attempts to see it again, and wasn't able to see anything.  Soooo I convinced myself nothing was there, because for sure if there WAS, I'd be able to see it again, right?  Also, it was around the time of one of his routine pediatrician appointments (maybe his 9 month one?), and I figured the doctor would have mentioned it if she had seen anything.

<time passes>

In July, I saw it again.  This time I could see it repeatedly when he would laugh big, with his mouth open wide.  What did I see?  A plain-m&m-size-and-shape, pink, fleshy bubble thingy at the very, very back of his tongue.  No wonder I couldn't see it easily because depending on how his tongue is positioned, it's not visible at all.  I would post a picture of it, if taking a picture was even remotely possible!  At this point I knew it had been there since the last time I thought I saw something, months earlier.  After consulting with some of my coworkers (nurse practitioners, neonatalogists...I love having easy access to these extremely helpful people!), I made an appointment for James with an ENT (ear, nose, throat doctor).  While I waited a few days for that appointment, I googled all kinds of things on the interwebs.  BAD IDEA, as you may have guessed.  As a healthcare professional, I'm already envisioning crazy options for what this growth, for lack of a better term, might be.  The interwebs only reinforced the wild and crazy and highly unlikely possibilities...

The (1st) ENT said "Hmmm....I'm not sure what that is..."  This is the same response I'd received from any pediatric medical professional I'd told about this thus far.  Nice.  He definitely thought it looked benign (read: NON-cancerous), which was good news.  He referred us to a specialist ENT at UNC.  It would be six weeks before the first available appointment at the UNC clinic!  Good grief!  That brings us to today.

Today we drove to UNC to see what the specialist had to say about our quirky little James.  We left really, really early for the 8:45am appointment because we anticipated sitting in RTP/40 West traffic on this workday-for-most-people morning.  Wouldn't you know it, because we allotted adequate time for traffic, there was none.  We arrived at the office at 8:05am.  Perfect.  If there's any recommendation I'd make to others:  Arrive so early to a doctor's appointment that you get the joy of entertaining your non-walking 14 month old child in a waiting room for forty minutes.  James did really well, actually.  I give 100% credit to Scott for his baby-wrangling skills.  We were seen right on time.  (Not their fault we got there so freakin' early...)  Dr. Drake (2nd ENT) said she wasn't entirely sure what that thing is either. <sigh>  Her recommendation was to have it removed and then it can be sent to a lab to figure out what it is.  She agreed with ENT #1 that it is very likely benign and non-worrisome, although odd and not easily classifiable.  She suggested we do this procedure sometime before he's three years old and likely to remember such a thing.  The (hopefully) outpatient procedure will involve putting James under general anesthesia for a shorter-than-a-tonsillectomy-surgery.  Once he wakes up, he has to be able to drink something and then he could go home.

So here we are.  Trying to decide when we want to do this.

Before the new baby?

• The new kid will never be easier to take care of than right now!  She's fed.  She sleeps whenever.  She goes where I go.
• Will this procedure for James be so stressful for me it puts me in early labor??

After the new baby?

• No risk of early labor.
• Could potentially do it while I'm out on maternity leave from my job.
• Caring for a newborn, though, and going to the hospital with James?  I dunno about that...

That's all I got on the matter for now.  Oh James, why must you be a medical novelty with your funky umbilical granuloma and now this tongue thingy??*

*I completely understand there could be way, way worse medical stuff going on with my son.  In the grand scheme of life, this is barely a blip on the radar.  I'm grateful he is otherwise healthy, active and growing.*

Keeping our child safe in the car is VERY important to us.  He always wears a seatbelt when he rides in the front seat...